[Lifestyle] Dancing in a mascared ball that no one ever signed up for
Lately I've been reflecting on a few things in life related to 'how we sell ourselves' to others. I mean, this is something that I've been struggling a lot with since I was a kid. I had a LOT of trouble pretending to be something different and getting a lot of nice people away from me.
I'm definitely not here to brag about how 'cured' I am of that or even to judge anyone, but I got myself thinking about how sad this is when you're older. If there's something I preach, it is to 'do something until it gets boring' or 'always be real at least with me', and I've been seeing a lot of people doing the contrary of that lately. At my job, in my personal life, I can pinpoint sooo many people that act and talk shit as if they're something different from what they really are. Like, what are you doing bro? Just scaling the good old ladder of your company? Trying to impress a gal you met on tinder or something? For fuck's sake, just be real.
And here we find ourselves, in the middle of a dance where no one actually knows who is who. This feeling that you might be sitting next to someone that might stab you in the back is terrifying since you're not able to judge who is who and bringing my personal experience here, as someone that is really open and direct on my thoughts and feelings, this hurts a lot cause I'm never expecting to be dealing with a lamb dressed as wolf. Kinda feel sad about, not gonna lie.
So you might ask me 'Do you trust ur people?', and yeah, I'll promptly answer "yes" without stuttering. But I'll always bring a little thought that I trust anyone with a grain of salt and untill the moment that a person brake the shell and reveal who they are for the first time. This is the turning point where I keep trusting or just leave the table.
A ex-friend of mine told something when I was young: "I'm ain't going for you, just keep doing your shit until you find yourself completely lost and without anyone you can count. You're just stupid and pathetic." and this is how I see those 'wolves' now that I can freely say that I'm still a sheep.