[Lifestyle] I haven't been able to be "productive"?
In the last few days, I've been thinking a little bit about how I am not being able to keep up with a routine. I really wanted to study and advance with a few courses that I need to do here and there, learn some stuff, and create something, but when I'm looking at the material that I need to consume or even trying to start a project, a feeling of emptiness and nothing comes to my head.
It consumes me like a fucking wave of thoughts saying, "Hey, why the hell are you doing this? What are you trying to achieve?" and out of nowhere, I don't know what to respond to these voices that are haunting me. So yeah, here I am with a few AI courses, a Figma certification from one of the best UX designers out there, a few product metrics, and also a couple of game design courses that I bought but ain't doing. They're just stacking and looking at me like they're saying, "Hey douche, you wasted a ton of money on us and now you'd rather play games or read some books instead?", and then I just feel dumb and pointless for doing that.
This is the same feeling I have when I buy a new game that I probably will not finish since I have like 30 or 40 other games that I'm playing simultaneously, but I still choose to waste my time with the 2 or 3 comfort games that I always play (Final Fantasy, Pokémon, and Street Fighter).
The main question here is, why do I feel guilty of "not being productive"? Am I wrong? Different from other texts I have ever posted here, I ain't got like the answers or a resolution for that. I'm still figuring it out, but as soon as I find out, I will post here if this feeling is right or not.
One thing that I already know is that I'm still living, working every day, going to the gym, having fun doing my stuff, wasting time with the people that I love... Well, even if I'm not being productive, completing the courses, and "evolving", one thing I can assure is that it feels that my life is just right the way it is now. That counts, right?